I get asked all the time – if we go to a mediator, can we save money?

The answer, in Tennessee, is no and yes.

Going to a mediator – before you file for divorce – before you’ve hired an attorney – before you know your rights – is not anything I’d recommend.

Why? Mediators are there to help us resolve our differences. They are there to help us save money, so that we don’t have to both hire an attorney.

In a perfect world that may be true. Mediators, however, can not represent either of you, nor give any of you advice. They can’t tell you, as you are sitting across from your Wife – that the deal you are about to enter into, is a big mistake and that a Judge would never order you to pay her that much money.

Sure – it makes your life simpler (at that moment) and your Wife’s life simpler and the mediator’s life simpler – if you just sign the papers in front of you. And it saves you tons of money (at the moment).

But after a few months of living under the terms of this agreement (that is completely unaffordable), you call the mediator to have the papers reworked and you find out – that the mediator can not represent you in changing those papers.

Now you have to hire an attorney, to go back to Court, to fix the legal papers you entered into – and it’s never that easy to get out of these agreements! In fact, most of the time, you can’t get out of them.

My advice is hire your own attorney at the very beginning. Know your rights, before you sign anything!!!

If you want an uncontested, affordable divorce – tell your attorney up front.

Tell him or her, you don’t want to spend thousands of dollars on a divorce.

You don’t want to go to court.  You don’t want to fight and argue for one year.

Tell her what your top three goals are in getting this divorce.

Let that attorney tell you what the law is, what the Judge will do and if those goals are possible. Let that attorney negotiate the divorce for you, with your spouse.

In the end, you will spend as much money as you did on a mediator. But the difference is, that you will have an attorney representing you in the process and you will have made a very informed decision about your divorce.

No regrets.

When is mediation good a good thing? When you are in the middle of a heated battle. When you both have attorneys that are charging you loads of money and you are headed to Court to fight the battle of a lifetime.

Before you go down this path, take three hours, with your attorney present, with his attorney present and with a mediator present, to see if you can resolve the major issues that are causing this battle.

Let your attorney choose a mediator who is a practicing Wilson County divorce attorney, who knows the attorneys and knows the temperament of your Judge.

One that your attorney knows does a good job.

Don’t pick one that your attorney has never heard of or one that has never tried a case in front of your Judge. In my opinion, you are wasting your money if you do this.

Let the mediator be a second sounding board for you, your spouse and your attorneys. In these instances, mediators do their best work.